Archive for the bullshit category
Friday, June 22nd, 2007
What are your dreams? Did you ever have them? When did you give up? How old were you then? 4? 12? 15? 21? Was it hard to forget?Or maybe you are one of those people who went for that and just started doing what you loved? Maybe you were born in your suit or in your sandals and you are fine?
After 4 days of being fucking professional, all dressed up and stressed up today something just broke inside me. The emotionless bubble crashed. Going to work on a tram I read about nurses striking against the government. Not wanting much – just a decent life. And the prime minister saying they will not get anything. And police moving them away of a street to a sidewalk. And then a quote of a representative of miners saying something like ‘We will not let to hurt the girls. Police used force against them. We are coming to defend them. They can face us we are not afraid.’ Then I just broke. Emotionally.
It sucks that in this country people working for years don’t have a decent life. And it is said that after 20 years after gaining democracy people still have to strike to be heard. And just as then the government is sending police to turn them down.
Then I thought how lucky I am being able to afford so much. Not thinking how much is a candy when buying it, etc. Most of the people in Poland aren’t that lucky.
Then at work I went to HRs to pick up some documents. And this colleague (lady in her 40s) told me that soon she’ll not be working here anymore. After years of working in HR in this company she is quiting and moving to Canada. Not for money – for her passion which is clinical psychology. And she told me that she was doing that part time in a hospital in Poland, but she was paid so little that it almost was a charity job. So she’s moving there to study it more and live of it. I was so amazed. She shown some emotions in this emotionless environment. And then we talked about seeking for opportunities, emigration, life. Amazing.
Next time you call my country a low cost country think about people fighting for a decent life. And I am sorry for not driving an Audi or a BMW and not owning a race motorbike as you do.
But… still I think that you can go for your dreams and achieve what you want. This will be a bumpy road but don’t give up. Ironically you are even in a better position. Owning nothing you have nothing to loose. Starting from nothing you will appreciate more what you gain and achieve. That’s why we – Polish people – will conquer the world one day. And the Polish-Chinese border will come true. Unless you are lazy and you give up. :-) It’s always up to you.
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Thursday, June 21st, 2007
It’s been a terribly tiring week. Haven’t got such a brain killing experience ever. So much time in our lives we lose for what we don’t want to do and things that are not important at all. But at least I had a nice view.
Nights are bright in Sweden. Tomorrow they have mid-summer celebrations. But I am back to Poland, so this year – no fun. :-)
posted in bullshit, in-english, travel | country: sweden | trackback | no comments »
Saturday, June 16th, 2007
On a plane today I was sitting in the back. There was a little Asian girl sitting in the row behind mine on the other side. She could be 10. With a small lufthansa plastic bag with documents she was sitting there by a window. She must had had a long way behind. She didn’t look ok. She was sitting straight, pale on her face and she was shaking. Next to her there was a guy in a suit 32, and a woman, same age, also on a business travel. So the little girl was obviously not ok. She looked as she was extremely cold or scared or excited or about to throw up… Don’t know. But obviously she was not fine. The guy noticed that but did not help. The same with a the lady (but she had an excuse that she was sitting too far). I just couldn’t look at this. Stopped the stewardess. Excuse me, but I think that this kid needs some attention… She went there asked in English if everything was ok (more the people next to her than the girl), asked to take a look at her during the landing, said thank you to me and went away. Very helpful – 15 seconds of an illusion of we-care. Bullshit. Just 20 more minutes of the little girl’s shaking and we landed. Nobody did anything. But we landed and everything was fine. No victims, she didn’t throw up.
I wish she was sitting next to me. We would listen to a music from iPod, look at some photos, or just go through a newspaper. And maybe she would grown up for a little more different person – more helpful, more caring, more open. But no – this is a tough world baby and you have make it on your own.I am sick of this emotionless world.
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Thursday, June 14th, 2007
Chcę tylko wejść w sandałach do strumyka gdzieś w dalekim kraju i chodzić. Nie mieć problemów, myśleć, uśmiechać się. Mieć proste życie, tam gdzie życie jest proste. Być bliżej natury i codziennie się nią zachwycać. Moje będą palmy i zachody słońca. I nic nie będzie na opak.
update (English translation):
I just wanna walk into a stream wearing sandals in a country far, far away. Have no problems, think, smile. Have a simple life where life is simple. Be closer to nature and admire it every day. Palms will be mine and sunsets will be mine. And everything will be on its place.
posted in bullshit, in-english, in-polish, mobile, photos | country: nowhere | trackback | no comments »
Friday, June 8th, 2007
Biurową ciszę zagłusza dźwięk telefonu. Niespodziewana moc melodii sprawia, że wszyscy Kollegen odrywają wzrok od monitorów i oczami szukają posiadacza telefonu z tak niespotykanym dzwonkiem. Uśmiechaja się, bo to miła odmienność od codziennej rutyny i wszechobecnych standardowych ustawień. A ja uśmiecham się do nich. Jeszcze chwila, gdy zerkam na wyświetlacz kto dzwoni i odbieram krótkim “Siema”. Kollegen wracają do pracy nieświadomi, że ta fajna melodia, która tak bardzo im się podobała, to pierwsze takty Stawki większej niż życie.
Spent a week working in Waldorf and staying in Oberflockenbach. At first it felt like vacation… Countryside, fresh air, nice weather, big bed, room with a balcony. Big Salsa Party in Heidelberg on Wednesday. But after a week of spending too much time with 2 Hungarians and 1 Polish I feel like I need more privacy. But finally – the weekend has landed. Since I am not coming back to Poland for a weekend I had to arrange my time here in Germany. Just in case took my palm with GPS maybe to visit around. So I started planning and checking how far it is to some cities around. Chose HOME, calculating…, 450 km, 4 hours.
Hey Nacho, what are you doing this weekend? Are you in Brussels, can you sleep me over? I will be coming with a friend. What kind of party? Garden party, barbecue… Awesome! I’ll be there.
Hey Aurelie! You bitch, you never pick up! I am coming to Brussels for a weekend. Just to let you know. I hope to see you! Ciao!
So the story continues… Brussels again.
posted in bullshit, in-english, in-polish, travel | country: belgium, germany | trackback | no comments »
Thursday, May 31st, 2007
bez firmowej smyczy, karty magnetycznej, stołka w fabryce, stałej pensji, telefonu, garnituru i krawata, butów zasłaniających palce, wygaszacza ekranu ze zdjęciami z delegacji, premii rocznej, służbowej bryki, współdzielonego kalendarza, kodów dostępu, służbowej karty kredytowej, złotych kart hotelowych i samolotowych programów lojalnościowych, przepustki do biura klienta w dalekiej krainie, slotu na wakacje za pół roku, stuzłotowego talonu “na kulturę” z okazji świąt (z terminem ważności na pół roku), niewykorzystanego urlopu, tygodniowego sprawozdania do przłożonego, comiesięcznego spotkania teamu, dostępu do drukarki, krzesła z regulowanym oparciem, maszynki do kawy, co sobą reprezentujesz?
Moje i tak na codzień niestabilne życie zatrzęsło się zmianami reorganizacyjnymi. Piękny plan jak wycyckać Niemców wziął w łeb. Niemcy jak zwykle uderzyli pierwsi. :-)
Zmiany są dobre, zmiany są dobre, zmiany są dobre, zmiany są dobre…..
Eeeeeeeeetam.
2 następne tygodnie w fabryce w Niemczech. A potem mam nadzieję, że Sztokholm.
Mój tentygodniowy stan umysłu najlepiej oddaje kawałek: Praca na Saxach – Maleńczuk & Waglewski.
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Saturday, May 26th, 2007
My weekend in Kraków.
Met a friend I haven’t seen for almost a year. She told me I have changed much. In a better way. More confident, more relaxed, more satisfied. And looking more manly. :-) Nice to hear that. I think I am much better than a year before. And A LOT changed. I am half a way to making one of my biggest dreams come true. And yes – I got older.
Kraków is a truely magical city. My first reaction when I got off the train station was that it smells different to Warsaw. Trees and the amazing Old Town. There is the photo month taking place at the moment, so there are lots of photography exhibitions all around the city. Visited a few of them – really great. Damn I am getting more and more into the culture thanks to my lovely friends.
I am staying at Ewa’s and Monika’s place. It is really great to interact with people doing something so different for living than myself. Have to be more open for people. I wish I had more friends like them.
I did some reading (The Devil and Miss Prym, P.Coelho) and again got really relaxed. I have to get away from Warsaw more often. To the unknown.
I have set purpose to do something creative or usefull everyday. I waste so much time everyday… I should learn something, write or work on my pics, or read, or whatever. The only acceptable excuses are traveling and interacting with people from whom I can learn something. I should try to work on self-development. And learn. And travel.
Time to see the Old Town by night. And have a beer perhaps.
posted in bullshit, in-english, travel | country: poland | trackback | 1 comment »
Friday, May 25th, 2007
Short term plan – weekend with friends in Krakow.
Long term plan – project in Stockholm (80% sure).
Both things came out of the blue. And both made me very happy. I need to run away from Warsaw for a while.
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Thursday, May 24th, 2007
Went to W.W.D.M.K.T.S.A.W.J.P.T.N. (Koala and Galeria65 invited me). Was pretty ok. Drunk some wine and stared at some photos. Lonely.
I think i will buy one of those digital frames one day. Pretty awesome.
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Sunday, May 20th, 2007
So – back to reality, back to the ‘real life problems’. So my Brussels’ honey-bunnies Aurelie and Nacho are unable to communicate anymore. They live in the same block and have better communication with me thousands kms away than with each other. And they both have no idea what had happened and where they lost it. This is what happens when you leave the kids alone – they mess around. Come to Poland I will kick your asses, bastards. And Tomek is not good with me when he is overworked underslept and with a hangover. But still he is a sweetheart and I forgive him cause he is a little full sometimes. And on studies I had 7 hours of classes in English with an American guy who spoke too fast, and then 1 hour of a fucking difficult exam, and then we had to make presentations for tomorrow which took us 6 hours. Finished at midnight. Cool?
But I am not complaining. :-) Still optimistic. We’ll see how I’ll face the come back to work on Monday. Can’t wait.
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Friday, May 18th, 2007
Back to the world where people don’t smile in an elevator, where you have to repeat twice good morning to a lady in a shop to hear it back, where there is always someone trying to involve you in some shitty games. And I can’t even say home sweet home cause this is nowhere. I have to plan another trip to have something to wait for. I already have an idea, but will not tell yet. I still have sand in my shoes…
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Friday, May 18th, 2007
So I am back to Warsaw. Timezone changes make me feel confused.The tax officers at the airport controlled me. For the first time in my life. The guy said that my eyes looked as I had smoked a joint and asked me if I had. Then he asked me to empty my pockets. Checked my wallet. Then he asked to unpack my hand-luggage. Then he asked to unpack my big backpack. So I showed him all the presents I bought myself in Mexico including the cowboy hat, hammock, poncho, blouse, bottle of natural flavoured tequila (which was leaking into the poncho). He asked me what is this for, what is that for, he went through my electronic junk, he asked where I was working, if and when I took or smoked drugs. So it was one of these nice conversations you have with strangers from time to time about life, sex and drugs. I had been so relaxed so he finally bought my story that I was not high but just happy after having great vacation. Really nice guys. So I said goodbye and left the guys the leaflet of a strip club I got from a guy on a street when I was in Veracruz. I really enjoyed that. Always happy to meet people who like their job and do it with a smile. And controls like that are a piece of cake when you are used to military checkpoints in the middle of the night and everybody-out-of-the-bus soldiers with long weapon looking into your bag (as it happened to me once in Mexico and a few times in the Eastern Turkey). Just got used to these nice men making sure that I don’t carry with me any toys that I could hurt myself (or society) with.On the plane(s) I met nice people – Mexican guy who is a cave diving instructor and was flying to Poland to give some courses of it (he does that for 22 years, owns not much more than his gear and seems to be HAPPY). He invited me to do some diving with him in Cuba. Took his email address and the phone number. And then the Polish actress in her 40-50s living in Paris and going to Poland for an audition to another Polish crappy soap opera. Had a really great conversation with her about the world were living in, Poland in this world and young Polish people like me who are gonna rule it soon.
I am so fucking optimistic you can’t imagine. I had a really great trip and made it safe home. Met the old friends and made some new friends. I went away from all the crappy problems, so far away that when I looked back at them I couldn’t see them anymore. I hope I will keep this positive energy for at least a few days. But tomorrow I have to face the so called “real life”. Have to start preparing for my weekend studies (one exam on Saturday and some case analysis I need to do some reading for). And I have to check my corporate mail to see what kind of surprises they had prepared for me when I was gone. Shitty i-wanna-kill-myself-project in Germany or a cool face-the-unknown project in Paris or wherever. It’s gonna be hard, so please don’t come to me with any bullshit or any problem that doesn’t really exist. It’s gonna be hard enough without it.
One more thing. I was walking down the streets of Veracruz with my big backpack and my camera bag wearing my new cowboy hat. Let’s make it clear – people in Veracruz don’t wear such hats. Maybe village people coming to Veracruz – yes, but the others not. So people were pretending not to see me – fucking white guy with his stupid hat. Some were smiling discretely. Only the homeless people were cool. They were the only ones looking into my eyes and saying hello and smiling to me (not at me) honestly. Then it came into my mind that the thing that I love to do so much – facing the unknown, traveling, not knowing where you will spend your next night, where and what you will eat… All those little things I love – it’s their everyday life. And I think they feel the same about me. What is this stranger doing here all alone so far from wherever he is from. And why the fuck is he wearing this hat? :-)
More photos will come.
posted in bullshit, in-english, travel | country: mexico | trackback | no comments »
Friday, May 18th, 2007
This will be my last night in Mexico. I took an overnight bus to Veracruz. What you get is quite a typical touristic resort. But that’s okey – I decided to come here just because it has very god connections to Mexico City where I have a flight to catch tomorrow. Sandra was to join me here to see me before I leave but she used some cheap excuse and cancelled. ;-) I have spent 5 hours on a beach reading a book, swimming… Got sunburned. And I decided to use up a free night at the Holiday Inn in the center. Got a nice room. :-) Being a corporate bitch sometimes pays off. :PLast 4 days I have spent in San Cristobal. Really liked it. Quite a small city with many attractions around. I took tours to Palenque (Indian pyramids in the jungle), Canyon del Sumidero (boat trip – pretty relaxing), religious villages (very, very impressive, villagers claiming to be Christians keeping Mayas traditions and practicing them in the church in front of the figures of catholic saints, saying traditions I mean rituals like taking away the illnesses by sacrificing a chicken, etc.). I also met a nice German chick (Tina), too nice to be German :D and we were hanging around together during the last day. Hope to stay in touch.
Did some shopping. Before in Puebla I bought a poncho and a Mexican style pullover with a hood (this one I’m gonna wear for sure). Yesterday I bought a super-cool cowboy’s hat. One of those that you enter the shop and you see it and you know this is THE ONE. So happy. Well spent 7 euros. :D And of course I bought many little things.
Tomorrow flying back home from Mexico city. Don’t wanna go back home.
Have tons of unprocessed pictures. I think I will have to work on them back at home (or on the airport if I have some time).
Here is a photo of me sitting on my bed in my modest room in Veracruz, crying to be leaving Mexico.
posted in bullshit, in-english, photos, travel | country: mexico | trackback | 1 comment »
Monday, May 14th, 2007
Mexico City – just as a proof that i was there (was i?):
Teotihuacan – big pyramids, sellers hunting on tourists and one Mexican revolutionist … we also made pink idiots there with Sandra (details soon):
Oaxaca – the way there and some street photos from a local festival and the photo of Miguel visiting Ivan:
Around Oaxaca – a fucking big tree, Agua de Something – one of three formations like that, another one is in Pamukkale in Turkey and the last one is in Argentina… so if i go to Argentina I am done with those things, and finally – a booze factory:
Monte Alban – yet another pyramids and a nice car with a cactus:
I am in San Cristobal in Chiapas – the region in the central part of Mexico. Staying here for one more night and then going to Veracruz for a night (free night in a nice hotel) and then Mexico City and hop to Warsaw.
I am tired of taking pics. Not much satisfaction. Spent the last two days with the nature – just to catch a breath. Tomorrow going to see some villages that developed some crazy mix of religions.
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Wednesday, May 9th, 2007
Finally started traveling on my own. Spending time with Sandra and Jaime was fun but time to move on. Especially that being for too long with a happy couple is not fun anymore after some time (sweet kisses every 30 seconds… damn!). Sandra scared me a little with all the stories how dangerous traveling in Mexico can be. But now being on my own I don’t feel that. Just always look as you knew where you where going (even if you have no freaking idea).
Had some doubts if I still like this kind of traveling. But after today I am sure that there is nothing I like more.
Pick-up trucks filled up with dark-skin guys in cowboy’s hats, colorful buildings, street food, kids working on the streets, tacos, beer with lemon juice (mecholade), policemen with long guns, big trucks, road through steps with cactuses, women with Indian faces selling colorful textiles… Mexico, baby, hell yeah!
(I have a little lag with the pictures but will try to work on that).
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Wednesday, May 9th, 2007
Sandra introduced me to the side of Mexico City I haven’t expected to see. Big big houses, big big cars, private garden birthday parties with open bar, dj and mariachis… Tequila with coke, vodka with tonic, tequila shots… Fortunately Polish people NEVER get drunk. And I am telling you – it’s a hard job to be the only blond guy on the dance floor. ;-)
Sandra and Jaime were so so so nice. They really took good care of me. The right balance between partying and visiting.
Mexico City really paralyzed me. It is just huuuuuge. Oversized streets, oversized traffic, oversized billboards. And hills with nice closed districts of nice villas. And streets full of Audis, Jeeps, Land Rovers with one guy/woman and his/her mobile. Thousands or maybe millions. And green cabs. Glad I made it out of there. 20 million people. Too huge for me.
posted in bullshit, in-english, travel | country: mexico | trackback | no comments »
Wednesday, May 9th, 2007
The funny thing is that when you are starting your day with the first morning coffee at work I am finishing the battle of brandy with some Mexican cabrones with a special dedication to cuba libra.
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Thursday, May 3rd, 2007
Mexico stroke me with colors, sounds, tastes, music, food, alcohol, weather, traditions. When we finally find a moment just to sit and drink and relax it finally comes to me where I am and what I am doing. So freaking far away from home. But the distance is not so important. If countries that have nothing in common like Poland and Germany are neighbours it could easily be Poland and Mexico. The bright side of the story is delicious food, mariachi, beer (tried beer with salsa… yhhhh), sunshine, music. The sad side is poverty, kids working on the streets. But also here – you can see some smiles and happiness. Sandra is a true sweetheart. She and her family tries to make me feel like at home. We went visiting around Puebla. Seen a church built on a top of a pyramid. Triumph of the new religion over the old traditions (from the Spanish conquers times). And I ate a bug. Two actually. What’s more – I bought them. Thought it would be more disgusting. Actually was quite ok (spicy) till the moment there is just a crunchy cover left in your mouth. Had to split. Once in the lifetime (twice actually).
Catholic church built after the Spanish invasion on top of the ancient pyramid. And nowadays guys performing an ancient dance next to it.
In the evening we went visiting the center of Puebla. Ended up in a nice bar with beer, tequila and mariachi. Muchos fun.
(this story is a mess but just wanted to explain the pictures a little)
posted in bullshit, in-english, photos, travel | country: mexico | trackback | 2 comments »
Thursday, May 3rd, 2007
Mexico city welcomed me with heavy gray sky and wet streets. It looked very impressive from the air, after the dusk, with all the orange lights on. Huuuuge city. One tip regarding the travel – never take Air France. The food they server on the plane… damn, what the hell is that? :-)Sandra came with her boyfriend to pick me up from the airport. Then just 2 of us took a bus to Puebla. Then parents picked us up from the bus station, went to buy the first meal (tacos) and then stayed in the kitchen till 2 am (9 am for me) talking. The good news is that with Sandra we started up right where we finished in Turkey. 3 years passed and we are still very good friends – right away. Really great. And you know her… she’s such a sweetheart. :-) I expect lots of fun. Problems are local. All I have been living with and worrying about – here it doesn’t exist. Ok, maybe my bank account might be the (dis)connector. Nevertheless for these 3 weeks I am OFF.
the first meal in Mexico
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Sunday, April 29th, 2007
It’s been a good week. The big mess I had I have managed to clean up in the best possible way. Had a good lesson of what I am and what I want (or don’t want). The most important thing is that I was okay with myself first and then with all the people around me. And today I have noticed that it’s been a very long time since I have laughed so much and so honestly as I did this week. :-)
So having all the disturbing things closed I am about to start my vacation. I had no time to read any of the guidebook I got. Fortunately Sandra will take care of me when I get off the plane. We will meet in the airport restaurant called Freedom. No kidding! :-) And this is another thing I am very happy about: when we had seen each other for the last time 3 years ago, I’ve told her: this is not goodbye – this is just see you later, cause for sure we will meet each other again. And now it seems like I have kept the promise. Still can’t imagine that so soon I will be so far away.
posted in bullshit, in-english, travel | country: mexico | trackback | 2 comments »
Sunday, April 22nd, 2007
Ladies and Gentlemen!
I have an announcement to make. Attention, cause this is big.
You know they say that a journey starts with the first step. Forget about it. This is bullshit. A journey starts when it gets a codename.
After the spectacular success of Operation What’s Underneath (Turkey, 2004) and Operation Camel Kebab (Iran 2005), I am pleased to announce the codename of my next trip.
So, the codename of the 2007 trip to Mexico is: Caribbean Gay Cruise!
My old bones need some sunshine. And my brain needs some tequila.
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Friday, April 20th, 2007
Body contact every 0,2 seconds. Another level of “crowded”. Chicks with everything written down on their faces and in their moves. Not really sure what they want, but they pretending to know what they want. Best parties – Thursday night. Students only. If you are not a student you have to pay… 5 złotys… (1,2 euro)… Cool. This is the place where people don’t wear masks. Too young and too innocent to pretend. And the 2 old boys with nothing but good intentions. Koliba, baby. Have fun.
posted in bullshit, in-english, mobile, photos, travel | country: poland | trackback | no comments »
Wednesday, April 18th, 2007
Pictures from exactly one month ago. My last weekend in Brussels. Carnaval in Belgium. In the middle of the night gins start marching in their wooden shoes. Behind them a drummer and another guy with a flute. this night is not a one to sleep. First people are joining. You cannot just start waking with them – you have to be from this community or know somebody. They enter houses on the way. They drink champagne and go to another house. They dance in front. Then enter and drink champagne. Cause this is not a night to sleep. This is the night to spread the magic.
This was a magical night which ended up with a big fight among 3 friends with a lot of fuck-offs and go-to-hells. But who would remember such detail after one months? :-)
Thanks Aurelie.
posted in bullshit, in-english, photos, travel | country: belgium | trackback | 1 comment »
Tuesday, April 17th, 2007
Kiedyś nie popełniałem błędów. Żadnych. Nigdy. Twardo trzymałem się twardych zasad. Było tak przez całkiem długi czas (inni odpuścili sobie wcześniej).
Dziś jestem bogatszy o kilka upadków, pokus, z których skorzystałem. Zasady stały się płynne. Poszedłem ze światem na kompromis i wpasowałem się jakos we współczesne tzw. normy społeczne.
Zostało jednak kilka:
Nie krzywdzić innych, nie wykorzystywać, nie odnosić korzyści kosztem drugiego, nie zdradzać, nie oszukiwać, nie szkodzić, w miarę możliwości pomagać.
Zakładam, że jesteś dobry. Zakładam, że masz dobre intencje. Że kierujesz się takimi samymi zasadami jak ja. Wiem, w dzisiejszych czasach to samobójstwo. Jednak ja naprawdę staram się tak robić. I przepraszam, że czasem widzisz w moich oczach, że nie do końca ci dowierzam. Muszę nad tym jeszcze popracować.
Staram się nie oceniać innych – zbyt wiele razy upadłem. Dlatego toleruję cię, choć twój sposób życia mnie drażni. Jeżeli drażni mnie bardziej, to spotykam się z tobą rzadziej. Staram się nie ucinać znajomości, choć czasem po prostu wstaję i wychodzę, żeby nie powiedzieć ci czegoś przykrego. Nie chcę ciebie zmieniać. Poza tym i tak jesteś na to za stary. Poza tym widzę, że dajesz sobie radę w swoim świecie. Może po prostu twój świat tak bardzo różni się od mojego, że musisz być taki. Nie wiem. Jeśli tak jest, to nie chciałbym być w twojej skórze. Ale jeśli tak nie jest, to masz przechlapane. Zwykle jesteś w stanie sam wybierać swój świat. Więc sam za to odpowiadasz.
Czasem tylko nie radzę sobie z tym jaki jesteś i wtedy zazwyczaj ucinam kontakt. Czasem wyjeżdżam. Czasem palę twoje miasto, bo nie mogę znieść świadomości, że gdzieś na świecie jesteś. Że się uśmiechasz. Że krzywdzisz. Że istniejesz.
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Tuesday, April 10th, 2007
“Have you ever felt so freaking strange when you had to move to a new city, to Brussels, or at least to Warsaw? Cause I feel terrible here, I feel like getting on a train and going back.”
I am a person that is afraid to go in alone to a restaurant that I haven’t been to before. I would rather walk 20 minutes to the one I know.
The first weekend I stayed in Brussels was fucking horrible. I was wandering around with not much purpose. On the other hand would I have any purpose anywhere else? No, but at least I would have the comfort of going around the well known paths, killing time in the same places and then sleeping long and curing a hangover.
And then all these wonderful things happened. Great friends, amazing time. Chain reaction came unexpected and which still affects me with smaller and bigger blasts. And I wouldn’t change this experience for anything else. But what if there was no spark and no reaction?
When I really travel I like to leave places behind. Like a one night stand with a place and going forward, forward, forward. No commitments, always a tourist. But how long can you do like that? When comes that moment that you want to see exactly the same sunset again the other day. And when and why at some point you are sick of fucking sunsets?
I still feel like changing places. But how many brand new starts can you have? How many attempts to begin again?
There is too little sunshine and my thoughts are a big mess. Gimme a blanket and lay down aside. Or at least bring me a beer. Or just take me around and show me something new. And bring back the fucking sun. Too much work – my body is actively resisting to take anymore. Time to switch of my toys and start breathing.
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