Took me just 26 years to understand this – most of the problems – they are not there. You just create them yourself by miscommunication, lack of trust, not believing in somebody’s good intentions, trying to guess what the other person needs instead of just asking about it, lack of self-confidence, going after somebody else’s goals not yours, putting emotions aside, not smiling enough, having your mind disturbed by unimportant thoughts, being fooled with thousands of fake once-in-the-lifetime opportunities, being too stressed up and overreacting, not sharing your feelings when you feel like sharing your feelings… And writing bullshit on your blog perhaps. :D
What can I say? Things just happen. Many and beautiful. They come unpredicted and never go as you planned them. Opportunities and surprises. Lots of surprises.
Acting emotionally not rationally. It’s been so long.
Today just some forgotten song’s lyrics found on my desktop. Negative emotions that turned into something… fun? Take it easy.
Where the fuck is spring? I want it back. :-)
All those burnt cities
before i left i took you there
to the place where we first met
that coffee place
with the nice walls
i shouted at you
and made you cry
cause this is how we say goodbye
in the land where i come from
and this is right
Chorus:
So this is the time
to say goodbye
no tears are spoiled
no broken hearts
you don’t regret
and you don’t cry
cause you are glad
and you are right
When things get mad
then you just run
You make it easier
you kill your love
you mess things up
prepare them well
to face goodbye
before i left i killed your cat
i put some crap on your walls
i crashed guitar
broke your tv
i wrote this message
on the floor
cause this is how we say goodbye
in the land where i come from
and this is right
before i left i scratched your car
and broke the windows
i took the gas
i burnt it up
i pushed it down
i watched it fall
cause this is how we say goodbye
in the land where i come from
and this is right
before i left i burnt it up
the city you lived in
where you grew up
it was all gone
when you woke up
it was all gone
cause this is how we say goodbye
in the land where i come from
and this is right
There should be a big big party and all of you should come. We should laugh and drink and dance and then when the sun rises we should go home with big smiles on our faces.
Well – it wasn’t exactly like that, but at least I hope you smiled for me dear friends wherever you are. Cause it’s my birthday. :-)
Everything that happens to me recently makes a perfect positive combination. Ten millions little moments. And it’s good. And I want it to last. And I am happy.
The spring has fulfilled me with a great amount of energy. I got a big (but motivating) kick in my butt after leaving Brussels (yes, baby, time to spread the magic somewhere else). And being in Gdynia, working from home, enjoying the weather is extremely motivating. Trying to overcome my laziness and try and try and try… To have a good life, to give some joy to the ones around me by tiny little things. I went out of my shelter of arrogance and i-hate-everyone and i-hate-my-job attitude and i am trying to live the moment. Even though I am overworked and missing time and missing sleep, so far it’s going well.
I hope I will not get burned. Or my motivation won’t go off in flames…
Yeah, it’s spring babe, shall we do something about that!?!?!?
This one is dedicated to one Spanish Bastard and one Belgian Girl because of whom my stay in Brussels was such an amazing time. I will not even try to write how I feel about the time we had and how I felt leaving you. Even though it feels hard and cuts like a knife – life moves on. Time to spread some magic somewhere else!
Corporate Bitch lyrics: Ignacio Lopez Ibanez and Szymon
music: Ignacio Lopez Ibanez
vocals: Ignacio Lopez Ibanez and Aurelie Neumann
Yesterday I entered the corporate world,
Everyone was smiling and saying hello,
people well dressed, expensive cloths,
gsm mobile phone, corporate toys.
I entered my office at the one hundred tenth floor,
and i put my wife´s picture close to the phone,
i read the new reports and analyze the stock.
business that´s all I want to do,
for you i give up my life now,
Loneliness who cares about you when cash flows,
stakeholders are my new secret love.
I start collecting business cards and playing the role.
I have a million miles but no place to go.
Came to Gdynia Tuesday-Friday. I needed to see the sea. I was sick of the city view to the horizon, heavy air and rushing crowds. In Gdynia life goes slower.
Cause this is my city and I am from here.
On Friday going to Brussels for one week (this time it will be the last one – but I have already had one which was kinda-last-one, so I think I will manage). Can’t wait to see the Spanish bastard and the nasty Belgian girl.
And I am counting down the days to the Mexico trip. Damn – I am absolutely not ready. But there is still some time. Princess… counting on you!
And remember kids – LIFE IS THE BEST (especially when you are Szymon K. – screw the rest :P ).
I have to appreciate my life more. I am the fortunate one. So far everything is going perfect. My life is interesting, so is my job. I have wonderful friends with whom I share wonderful moments. I keep visiting amazing places and getting new experiences.
I have to travel more and see more. I have to smile and be more interested in others. I have to learn self acceptance. I have one million options everyday to be a better person – I have to take just a few of them. It’s so easy.
I remember one evening in 2007. We were coming back at 2 pm in the middle of the night with some friends (Aurelie, Nacho, Cedric). We were quite tired (completely drunk). Suddenly we have noticed strange patterns on the Dexia building which was on our way home. Some psychodelic colors and figures moving on it. It looked as somebody was playing some crazy version of tetris on it. We came closer and noticed that this was happening for real, not because we were so tired (completely drunk). There was a control panel and you could control the patterns displayed on the building! But it was 2 am, so they were already closing.
We came there the following day. We were tired again but we made it on time. Using the big touch panel we painted the building in squares, lines, colors… It was awesome. We were playing like kids for a long time.
I remember that day clearly. This was one of the best days in my life.
Things always get crazy at the end. First Ola arriving to Belgium for her Erasmus, so we have spent some weekends travelling with her and Magda and later on with Natalia (damn, Polish chicks is one of the reasons for not living in Poland… but they get you everywhere). Going to Lille to meet with Justyna and Geoffrey. Then Tomek coming for one week for a training and hanging out with him almost every night, spending the Valentine’s Day together (ending up on a drink in the red district). And of course hanging out with Nacho and Aurelie. Pink adventures. Breakfasts at the Turkish place. Evenings in Mapamundo or Delirium. Faro, Kriek and the Peanuts Wine. Amazing time. And the feeling of leaving which got me when I was walking the well-known way to pick up Aurelie from work for the last time during the last night in Brussels. It just hit me. Again leaving the place I started to love and, even worse, people I love. And I just can’t believe happened in just 2,5 months (2 months of leaving in a hotel don’t count). Great adventure and a big temptation of stability. I really loved the time in Brussels and it is fucking hard to move on.
The way back home is always long.
But… I am coming back there for one week in March! :-)
And today I was flying via Zurich. I have seen Alps in the light of the sunset. There is hope. Can’t wait to see Himalayas. :-)
This week I am on a sick leave (fucking virus throat infection – screw you, Belgian viruses!) so I have time to do things that I don’t have time for usually. So today I was cooking… :-) But also I am really fascinated by Google Earth. Really amazing to look at the places I’ve been to or I wanna go to. Amazing piece of software. Anyway, here you have a sample of that. Currently I claim to be homeless. But the fact is that I have 3 homes.
The first one is in Gdynia. This is my family house, the one I was living since high school till the end of the studies. With a view on a gulf and a port. The second one is in Brussels – apartment I share with Ignacio – crazy Spanish bastard. Nice house with a garden in a not-so-good district but quite close to the center. For me – perfect.The third one is in Warsaw where I rent a room at Karolina’s place (my friend from high school in Gdynia). I have to have a place here because of my studies. So in fact I don’t have my own place on this crazy small planet. And not planning to at the moment. 3 homes but none of them is for real. Fucking homeless. Not my time to throw an anchor. Yet.
BTW – if you like Google Earth I would really appreciate if you sent me your places.
Really crazy road trip to the Belgian coast. Me and Ignacio. Evening. Can’t say anything more (in case my kids were reading). Living is bad for your health. Photo with an Indian (Ignacio claims he was a sailor, but I am sure he was an Indian).
New Year’s Eve (or Sylvester) was for me one of the biggest cultural experiences for me. And it was all because of visitors – Ignacio’s friends coming to Brussels for a few days – 4 Spanish and 1 French.
Being with them was really great (even though they spoke Spanish a lot and I couldn’t understand a shit). After some time I understood that comparing to the Polish people, we should be on a prosac all the fucking time.
On the 31 we went first to Eindhoven. Just visiting which ended up with a nice photo session (picture above).
The thing that amazed me most was… cooking. These guys were working on that like well-oiled machines, which ended up with a table full of food.
In Spain you start ny eve with food and start drinking/partying at midnight. In Poland at midnight you are already fucking drunk and you are half way to a hangover.
Then there were fireworks and eating 12 grapes for 12 prosperous months (Aurelie joined us after family dinner).
Then there was a big rain in Brussels.
Then we went to a pub.
Then we did a lot of walking.
And then we went to a party on a barge.
And then we went home.
I really enjoyed it! Perfect ny eve. And no hangover!
Na Święta zwykle nastawiam się negatywnie. Rodzina bliższa i dalsza, te same rozmowy o tym kto ma ile kasy, kto na co choruje, a komu się zmarło. Jednak w tym roku nie było strasznie. W Święta wskoczyłem prosto z biegu. Zakupy na lotnisku, przylot z Brukseli, dół na terminalu lotów krajowych w Warszawie (żenujący jest ten “terminal”), i lulu. W piątek zdalna praca – praktycznie tylko rezerwacje i rozliczenie papierków i pierwsze frustracje rodzinne. A wieczorem wigilia klasowa i przedwczesne wyjście po angielsku. W sobotę sopot, piwko z Tomkiem i Lesiem, Atelier (puste – wszystkie porządne dziewczyny ten dzień spędzają przy garach), a potem jeszcze jedno miejsce i zapiekanka na Świętojańskiej.
Wigilia bez stresów większych. Chyba rodzina wrzuca sobie na luz i walka o egzystencję nie jest już podstawowym tematem. Wszelkie próby dominacji zbyte bez komentarza lub pogardliwym spojrzeniem. Dzieciaki się ucieszyły z prezentów, goście za długo nie siedzieli, czyli spoko.
Poniedziałek – nic.
A we wtorek już się trzeba pakować, uczyć, a wieczorem umówione piwko.i przegrałem w grze zwanej obsesją zapachów. i to ja byłem ten zły.
A rano w taksówce usłyszałem, że to już jest koniec.
syndrom palonych miast (burnt cities syndrome) – when you are about to leave a place and there is no return, suddenly everything starts to work out, you meet somebody, have great fun, travel, it’s better than ever before. The reason for that to happen is probably because when you are about to leave a place ‘forever’ you do things normally you wouldn’t do, you take some risks you wouldn’t normally take. Happened to me before going to Turkey, when I was leaving Turkey, before going to Iran, and yesterday.
One of those weekends that make you a few months older.
Friday – going uninvited with Ignacio to a party of our neighbours. 3 girls+1 guy living in a fucking nice 2-storey apartment. Maaaaany people (students), Żubrówka with apple juice and beers. Somehow couldn’t find a common language with those.
Saturday – I cook my first ever tortilla! We were invited to some latino friends of Ignacio. They work here as corporate bitches in PWC, E&Y, etc. Having a good life here. Nice looking girls/wives, nice clothes and expensive watches. Good food and good drinks. And quite nice after all. And a funny Serbian guy – Slavic blood rules! And the quote of the evening ‘you don’t understand, cause you don’t have an MBA’. Bottle of Gold Wasser, wine, tequilas.
Sunday – having a walk (looking for a car which we left). Then driving to Antverpen. Seeing around (so crowded!), beer, red district, back to Brussels, Ixelles, falafel, beer.
Monday – corporate life – 9-20. Nothing works right, everything crashes, error messages all around. Fucking bad day except for the fact they I bought a ticket to Mexico. Princess, I am coming!… in may. And going with Ignacio to the Xmas fair – hot wine and beer at Monk.
There is a new girl in our apartment in Brussels. Ignacio brought her home and she just stayed. She is extremely cute and I fell in love with her at the moment I’ve entered the apartment today and saw her. Here she is (with Ignacio):
I’ve spent here quite a while working my ass off here and partying… Warsaw – the capital of Poland. About 2 mln people. People love it or hate it. Busy living, busy dying. Fast life in the pure capitalistic frames. People wanting to have fun right now and right here and willing to pay for that. I am a part of this mechanism. Overworked and with some extra money to spend – deep in this shit. Warsaw baby… yeah, right?!?! hell yeah! ;-)
Moved to Brussels! :-)Yeap, since Monday I am renting a room in downtown. Leaving with a Spanish guy (who went to Sweden at the moment) and feeling better. No more fucking hotels (at least for a while) and their prison-cell-like rooms, no more boring neighbourhoods. So if you wanna visit – just come.Some weeks ago I went for Poland-Belgium in Brussels.
I rarely watch games on TV and don’t care much about football… I’ve never been to a game like this, but it really was a nice experience. Thousands of Polish supporters and a good game. And we won!
Hard time at work – 10 hours per day at least. :( And it’s not even close to the end of the project. So it will be worse I suppose. :( That sucks. Totally.
And studies… Have to learn something from time to time. I never switch off.
Thinking about New Years Eve… Options: Poland (seaside), Brussels or Turkey. Will have to decide till the end of this week.
Alone, with a little backpack and a guidebook in my pocket I hit the city on Friday evening. My weekend in Brussels. They didn’t have any beds for me in the first hostel. Fortunately another one (crappy one) had one for me. Wandered around with a music in my ears a little bit more, read a book and went to sleep quite early. It was weird – pretending to be a traveller – sharing a room with these American guys traveling around Europe. Kinda lonely, kinda cheating.
Saturday wasn’t much better. Went thousand of kilometers walking in the old town, ate something shitty, drank a beer or three. Not so entertaining. And in the evening I felt like i’ve seen it all and planed to go to Antwerpen the following day. I had too much time for thinking. I re-thought my life. Twice.Then back in the hostel I joined a Spanish guy and Canadian (my roommates) for a beer. Canadian one was funny – he had a belt with the Canadian flag on it. So each time he met a new person he was saying “hey, i’m Canadian” and showed his belt. Just imagine the gesture. Cok komik.So we had a beer or seven (0,25). And met some Greek guys going to a party. All dressed up, almost 30, came here for some conference for NGOs. One of them looked just as this Chechenian ruler (on behalf of Putin) – of course I told him that and he got a nickname “Chechenian”. Spanish guy took us fucking far away to a club where we had to wait in a queue and they didn’t let us in. Quote: “7 dicks = no way”. So we went to have some Greek pitas and tried to get into another club. They wanted 10 euros per person – so me and Ignacio (Spanish) gave up and went back to the hostel (3 AM) with beers in our hands. Greeks stayed.In the hostel I was there were me, Ignacio, Canadian (Zee) and another one. Another one I haven’t met and his was sleeping and stinking like fish. Ignacio had a bed side by side with Zee (who was half sleeping). We were laughing our asses off of the situation. Ignacio laid down next to Zee and I kept saying “oh come on, give him a hug….”. Positive evening.
“What time is it?” “Quarter to 10.” “Damn! So we are about to miss the breakfast!”
“Zee are you coming with us?” “No – I cannot eat dirty. I will take a shower.” “We go – we are dirty Europeans” and we went down with Igancio – again couldn’t stop laughing. Especially when we saw all those people at the breakfast. I think we were still a little drunk. And smelly. We had the same t-shirts and bad breaths. People were quite confused and we couldn’t stop laughing. Just our ugly faces – reasonable enough.
Sunday was chilled out. With Ignacio went to Ixelles – nice district of Brussels. Cafeterias, parks, cigarettes, young people. And telling stories. Ignacio is an engineer – chemistry, recycling. He just got a contract to Brussels and stayed in hostel while looking for an apartment. And now comes the crazy stuff. He’s been to Dogubayazit – my favourite place in Turkey. He’s been to Zakho! Crazy small world.
To sum up – I had a fucking nice weekend. :D
Came to my fancy hotel on Sunday evening. Smelled like fish. Shaved, took a bath and switched to the role of the corporate worker again. But maybe this weekend will have some follow-up.
Work – not so good. Starting to be stressful, demanding, not nice. If they don’t kick me out in the next 2 months it means they never will. :-) Anyway – trying to be positive. And I am sick of my hotel. 4th week here, 4th different room. One of the colleagues always asks for the same one. But that’s not a problem. Life in a cage is. But maybe I will try to do something about it.
4th week in Brussels. Fancy hotel. For the whole week didn’t go out. Just work and hotel. Gym, sauna, book, TV.
Last weekend – another level of partying hard. And a song which messed up my head.
I am staying in Brussels for this weekend. With a little backpack, guidebook, no plan and no reservations. Could stay in another fancy hotel but decided to go for a hostel. For the social reasons. Wish me luck.
Monday. Taxi driver trying to cheat me at 5:30AM, telephones to his company, complaints and Important Guy calling me back to say sorry and to let me know that they are improving. Morning flight to Brussels. Finally I had 3 seconds to look out of the window and notice that the world is beautiful. 3 seconds during 3 weeks – not bad.Again I am speeding up. Project in Brussels (3rd week starting), studies (damn – homeworks! and exams!), partying in Warsaw (hard as always… or maybe even harder) and too little sleep. I never switch off. Trying to listen to the French courses on my ipod. Going fast forward without knowing were it leads. Just to keep myself occupied. There is not such a thing as “spare time”. There is always something to arrange. Dentist visit in 4 weeks, prepare 2 team projects for studies, new project at work, arrange new years eve, find a suitable moment (and destination!) for vacation next year, have a beer after work, catch a flight to Warsaw and go to party. I made up a joke that the first thing that i do in the morning is switching on the computer to check where the fuck i am today – Warsaw, Brussels, Gdansk, Bad Schonborn, Walldorf… and why is it dark outside and the clock shows 5am?
Oh yes, airport, taxi, 5:30. But, I guess, I like it. :-)
